Mother’s Day is coming up. I’ve never liked Mother’s Day (or any Hallmark holiday), and when I was a young teen I told my Mom that I thought it was just another bogus excuse for greedy retailers to suck money from brainwashed consumers and I didn’t want to be part of that hypocrisy anymore. Well, Mom wasn’t buying this. Declaring that “every day should be Mother’s Day,” she told me to go hit my Dad up for some cash so that I could buy her something nice for once. That was the only time I ever brought up my true feelings about Mother’s Day to my Mom, and every year at around this time, I’d swallow my resentment and go shopping for a good Mother’s Day gift for her. Now that she’s gone, I wish I could buy her a gift — the cheesiest, most sloppily sentimental, “I Love You Mom” gushing mug or card or teddy bear that I could find. I’d wrap it in a big red bow and present it to her with a huge grin and hug her and we’d sit there with tears in our eyes, enjoying the maudlin moment we were sharing. I wouldn’t feel one iota of resentment, not for a single second.
What a selfish little shit I was!
I used to think about who I’d choose as a substitute for my Mom. It would have to be someone really special — kind and generous and super fun to goof around with. After a great deal of deliberation, I finally made my choice: Julie Andrews. She would be the ideal mother: pretty and vivacious and a terrific singer. She would be the type of mother who would join the PTA and participate in every bake sale and comfort me when I was down.
The other day, while trolling through Amazon’s website, I noticed that Julie has published a new memoir: It talks about her childhood and teen years leading up to her starring role in “Mary Poppins.” I’ll probably never read it, but seeing the book prompted me to explore some Julie Andrews clips on You Tube. Here’s a remix of the “Mary Poppins” trailer which is quite inventive.
Perhaps she wouldn’t be such a good mom after all! I should’ve chosen Carol Brady instead. No, she was even scarier!