Posted by: chartroose | May 9, 2008

A Message For Moms

Happy Mother’s Day!  Remember that our main purpose as wimminfolk is to procreate and procreate and procreate, no matter how miserable all this chile’bearin’ may make us.  Us wimmens must keep poppin’ out dem chillen’ until our innards is hangin’ down by our feet, or our husban’s take us behind the shed an’ shoot us because we’s too ol’ to bear ’em (both the husban’s and the chillen’) anymore.

I was having some stomach issues this morning, and while I was lying on the couch recovering from the latest bathroom run, the “Today Show” had a segment on the Duggar family.  They are expecting their 18th child.  After watching their touching display of family unity for a few minutes, I had run back to the bathroom again, and this time, it wasn’t just my stomach problem that made me vomit.  Now I’m at work (and as you can see, I’m working very hard).  Before I get started on my mysterious librarian alchemy, I’d like to give all you mommies this lovely Mother’s Day gift:

This is the Duggar family.  Aren’t they wholesome?  I know this has nothing to do with books, but some wimmen read when they ain’t poppin’ out chillen’.  Maybe a few of those readin’ an’ chile’bearin’ wimmen will find this and be amused.  If enough readin’ an’ chile’bearin’ wimmen find this site and let me know they enjoy it, I can change the moniker to “Bloody Hell, It’s a Baby Barrage!”  This would make me very happy indeed.   

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Responses

  1. Look for a post linking back to this tonight. ‘Cause I’m going to take this to a place that probably no one wants to go…

  2. Okay, Trish. Hey, have a great weekend!

  3. hehehehehehehehe
    it took me awhile to stop being doubled over in laughter

  4. I have one child, and some days that’s almost too much! But 18 … do they just sort of … fall out, after having so many?
    I told my husband NOT to get me anything with the word “Mum” on it for Mother’s Day. I’m not so absent-minded that I’ve forgotten that!
    Love your post _ and the poster _ very funny. 🙂

  5. Oh my. (I’m laughing, really, I’m laughing too hard to type coherently.)

  6. […] 9, 2008 by trish I was cruising through the blogs on my Reader today and came across this post by Chartroose. The photo is definitely hilarious (the words clown car alone make me giggle), but it reminded me […]

  7. Holy crap, 18 kids! For me that’s about 16 too many.

  8. Wow, that’s WAY too many. I actually knew some families growing up with 14 kids, and the older ones never wanted to have their own because they felt they’d already done parenthood caring for their younger siblings. Sad.

  9. We spent some time on this at work today, too. It was mixed company, though, so no clown car jokes. But we were having a little too much fun with their names (we decided they all answer to hey you) and the giant coffee maker they all got their mom (we figure she feeds them all coffee so they do all they work, cause otherwise the parents would have no time to procreate) and the religion (quiverful???).

    It helped us through the Friday afternoon doldrums.

  10. Wow! That sure is a lot of children! :O
    @ softdrink: Yeah, the religious “movement” they’re part of is called Quiverful. I think it’s related to a verse in the Bible comparing children to arrows, but I’m not entirely sure. 🙂

  11. How terrifying, and how awful to be one of 18. That must really screw with the research in those ‘what’s your position in the family’ books if you have to say, oh I’m number 11. 11? Well hey, we can tell you what it means to be the second child, or the youngest, but eleventh? But the picture is very, very funny.

    So sorry you are poorly, though, and do hope you feel much, much better soon.

  12. Thanks everyone! I’ve heard that all their names start with “J.” Imagine saying, “Come here John, ahh Jake, umm Jesus, ehh, Jezebel…, ahh screw it!” You’re right, softdrink; they would all have to answer to “hey you!”

    Trish and Maree, it’s so ridiculous, because every time a woman bears a child, it tears up her body even more. I’ll bet this Mom has to wear Depends because her urinary sphincter is totally useless.

    Jeane–I can imagine how resentful I’d be if I were one of the older sibs having to take care of the younger ones. I’d also be resentful as a younger sib because I’d feel neglectd by my overwrought parents. It’s a lose-lose situation all the way around.

    Holly — “Quiverful?” Is it really called “Quiverful?” How stupid is that? These religious freaks scare me, because they refashion religion to suit their own insane purposes. This is the kind of dogma that starts wars, further oppresses women and children, and makes us even more retarded so that we elect people like Dubya and believe in ridiculous things like intelligent design. Blah!

    Lit, I figure that after about five or six kids, the rest must seem almost invisible. How do they get what they need in a family this huge? You’re right, it IS terrifying, and IMO, it’s also irresponsible, and perhaps even abusive to have this many kids.
    Thanks for your concern. The bug made me take a few farewell bows late Friday night, and I slept most of Saturday. I’m feeling great today, though!

  13. My husband is one of 8 (Irish Catholic), and my best friend is the youngest of 13 (her dad had 8 with his first wife-she died, then 5 more with his 2nd). She (best friend) is the most normal person I know.

    I think large families were more typical a few decades ago, but 18 kids goes beyond what I would consider a large family and moves into clown car territory.

  14. PS Glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  15. Chartroose I’ve found you and more precisely this picture and the comments have me in hysterics. I do think it’s interesting that you can’t see that mom’s lower half, I reckons she’s in a lot of trouble in the back row there, probably a whole lot of concealed tubing.

  16. Dove,

    I never thought of that, but you’re probably right! She probably has some kind of hammock held up by a belt around her waist that is holding all her “womanly parts” under her so they don’t drag on the floor. Ewwww!

  17. OMG!!!!! This is perfect. Priceless.


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