Hey, all you slammin’ bloggery dudes and dudettes! Chartroose has asked me to fill-in for her today because she has been hella busy at work for the past couple of weeks and is too bummed and burned-out to pay attention to this poor neglected blog. Plus, she’s trippin’ about porker flu. She’s sure she’s got it, even though she has no symptoms at all except a headache. I keep telling her that if she mellows out, the headache will go away. I’m a totally marley dude, so she should listen to me, don’t you think?
Anyway, chartroose has decided to let ME choose the prize this time. This is totally sicko dece of her, and if she weren’t acting like such a total freakdudette right now, I’d give her a big hug ( =
Ahem, um, where was I…oh chyeah, I’m choosing the prize! This prize is the most gnar gnar of all the prizes to date. It’s a $25 online gift certificate from Ron Jon Surf Shop. Ron Jon sells some of the sickest surfgear on the planet. It also sells froufrou home decor and clothing, so you can find something you can use even if you’re just a smogbreather.
In case you’ve forgotten, the rules for this game are super easy. Be the first person to correctly guess the TITLE and AUTHOR of the gnovel I’m about to explain and write your answer in the comments. The first correct answer wins.
Are you ready? Here’s the book:
Once upon a time, there was a gremmy little girl whose parents were always fighting. Her father was a total narcissist and her mom was bummed all the time. After the girl’s baby brother dies, her parents divorce, her mom is sent to the looney tuner and the little girl is sent to live with her grandmother. She has no friends, because she’s kind of a loser-her, which is totally shommy because she tries so hard to be cool, but it just doesn’t work out. So, the girl starts watching soaps and hanging out with an older neighbor dude. This dude is totally scary; he thinks he’s a hero, but he’s really just a hodaddy and he hurts the poor loser girl in the worst way that a dude can hurt a chick, and it ruins her for a long time. Many other things happen: the girl eats a lot and becomes a moosette; she goes to college and is hell munched by her peers; her only friend gets her wasted and semi-forces her to engage in girl-on-girl sex (of the non-hot kind) and she tries to drown herself in the ocean and ends up in a looney tuner just like her mom. When she gets out, she pursues a creepy philanderer dude and marries him. Eventually, she divorces the creepy dude and marries a nice dude and the gnovel ends on an optimistic note.
Whew, that was killer to explain! What is it? Type the title and author in the comments section. Hurry up and be the first!